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17
Feb, 2012

Aubrey Says The Darndest Things

The Wordsmith Herself, on Valentine's Day

The Aubinator (aka my 4 yr old daughter Aubrey) recently made history by dropping the f-bomb on primetime television (She was saying “fudge” for those who haven’t heard the full details yet… people still ask me if she really said it!). In real life – our life – sometime between 18 months and 2 years of age, I did overhear Aubrey say “Hot damn,” “Oh shit” and “Oh what the fuck” and it was about then I realized she was a sponge. Or really a parrot made out of sponge and that the days of saying whatever I wanted to in front of “the baby” were sadly, over. Aubrey hasn’t uttered a curse word since then and more paramount to that is what she HAS been saying lately.

Aubrey is 4 (5 this summer) and she has entered into that magical time of child speech and language when everything she says is either adorable or hilarious. Literally, almost no in between. I’ve never loved being her mom more than now. I thought I’d share a treasury of Aubrey-isms because I love them so much and because my brain is too fried to write on any topics of substance these days. Enjoy…

(Entering the bathroom while I’m sitting on the toilet. She has yellow string with an apple shaped key chain attached to it, wrapped around her fingers.) “OK! I’m trying to make a yoyoyo, but I’m NOT making any promises.”

“Milk helps you to be strong and to make you not to be lousy. Like a slug.”

“When I grow up I’m going to work at Panda Express!”

“I want to be the Tooth Fairy when I grow up.”

“I’m going to be a boy so then when I grow up I can be a daddy.”

(Referring to our dog.) “Bob Barker should have a puppy so then she can have a brother!!”

“Mommy, how old are you?”
“39”
(audible gasp) “That’s OLD! That’s jumbo!”

(Tucking her in at bed time, she grabs and holds me tightly.) “Stay and sleep with me so I can smell you all night!”

“I want you to keep me forever.”

(I was explaining to Aubrey that Buddha lived a long time ago and is dead now.) “So is Buddha in heaven with Michael Jackson?”

“I know the names of The Simpsons characters: Bart, Lisa, the baby is Maggie, Homer… and Large.”

She called an antelope a “lemonlope”

“I had a cheeseburglar at Old McDonald’s, but I didn’t like it.”

After peeing in the toilet, she looked me dead in the eye and asked, “Um… did you wipe my vagina?”

“I’m half Korean, but you’re just REGULAR Korean.”

(Watching me eat some long spaghetti noodles.) “You can’t just eat with your lips all night!”

“I like you mommy.”

 

To be continued…

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