People Want To Sleep With Me
OK, well just ONE person. My kid.
I’m feeling V-E-R-Y conflicted about one of those ridiculously “big” parenting issues. Well, it seems to only be big and controversial here in the US, but I’m talking about co-sleeping. In laymen’s terms, that would be “letting your kid sleep in bed with you.”
There are various reasons people choose to co-sleep or not and the biggest controversies surround infant co-sleeping when there is a supposed danger of rolling over on your tiny little person and smothering it. I’m waaaay past those years and I’m not having anymore kids, so I don’t give a crap about that. I’m talking about Aubrey. My 6, almost 7 year old who has been a champion sleeper all of her life. She still is, for the most part and 99% of her life she has slept independently, in her own room and bed and slept VERY well.
Lately, she has been asking to sleep in bed with me and getting emotional about it. This happens maybe once or twice a week. Generally, I do not cave. I re-state my reasons why and after a hug and kiss and a reminder that I’m right across the hall if she needs me, I close the door on a teary eyed little girl and she is asleep within a minute or too.
Recently, during one of these episodes, I asked her why she wanted to sleep with me so badly, she stated that she didn’t want to be alone. And I said to her, “But you’re not alone! You have Nelly (that’s her security item – an elephant). You have all of your stuffed animal buddies…” And she retorted, wailing, “But I just want to sleep with someone who’s ALIVE!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!” Don’t we all, honey? Don’t we all?
She DOES know how to push my buttons, so it’s a hard call to make. Some nights are more emotional than others and I can tell there is a direct correlation between her non-sleep related anxieties and her level of crying. Tonight, the asking started early and I knew right away it was because she’s thinking ahead about a 10-day trip she is taking with her dad. She loves her dad, but she is already worried about missing me. We had a really great day together today and she was feeling particularly close to me. When she first asked and I told her no, she started to collapse. After some discussion, I finally told myself, “What the fuck? She’s going to be on the trip in 2 nights anyway, so who gives a shit?” (Yes, I do curse that much, even in my own head.) I was also too tired to deal with crazy crying at the end of a long day, so I caved and said yes.
The funny thing is, she’s dead asleep right now and I’m not even with her. I’m in the dining room writing. Honestly, I think she just wants to sleep on my bitchin’ memory foam mattress.
I would never let this become a habit. The only exceptions I have made in the past are when we travel and share a bed in a hotel or my parents’ house, if she is sick (which is rare) or the ONE time she woke up during the night and was scared. I’m not kidding… once. She really is an amazing sleeper and I think a big part of this is because I have worked hard to foster healthy, independent sleeping patterns. I try not to judge anyone who co-sleeps. I don’t know their kid or family situation intimately and it’s your kid. You do what you want. My opinion; what I experienced in my own childhood, heard of from some other close friends’ and witnessed with my own kid, is that allowing long-term co-sleeping fosters and encourages a child to act on and embrace irrational fears. I think it’s super far from the worst thing you can do as a parent and I’m fine with other parents doing it if they feel it’s right for their family. But is sure is hard to say, “no” when they are begging you through teary eyes. And I’m no iron fisted rule-enforcer. Clearly, I said yes, tonight. So what I’m trying to find out now is, how much is too much? What is ok for us?
I’m not asking for you to answer these questions and I’m not even asking for your opinions because clearly, I have my own. But I’m curious – if you’re willing to share and you can DM me if you want – I’d love to hear from you! Can you answer this question for me:
*Did YOU sleep in bed with your parent(s) on a long-term basis as a child and how do you feel about it now as an adult?
*And if you are a parent, did your own sleeping arrangements as a child affect your decisions on sleeping as a parent? Please let me know!
(OK – last blog I stated that the next item on the table was HOMESCHOOLING – but I lied. Homeschooling got preempted by CO-SLEEPING. The HOMESCHOOLING shit hits the fan next. Promise.)
Hi. I'm Back.
Hi There Everyone Reading This (all 3 of you)!
My blog has been woefully neglected. Now that Modern Family is on hiatus I thought I’d try to fill that void with some writing. One of the main reasons I haven’t been contributing to my blog is because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about. When I started this blog, many moons ago, Aubrey was just a little baby and I was a newly, struggling single mom. I could bitch and vent without the worry of affecting her reputation or (WHAT?) career. Yeah. As a comedian, I felt the freedom to express my opinions on anything from breast feeding to horrible parenting.
My how life has changed! Fast forward 6 years and Aubrey is a television star, we live in a mansion and I’m driving a Maserati. OK, well maybe the last couple things aren’t true, the rented town house and Toyota Prius C are fine for now, but life took a very unexpected turn in 2011 which really left me not sure what to write about. Finding the balance between privacy and promotion has been a tricky task and the struggle to maintain (let alone grow) my own 17 year acting and comedy career has been frustrating, to say the least.
But one big, fat lesson I’ve learned in the last three years of my foray into the head-spinning world of Hollywood stage-momming is that motherhood is still the same. No matter how famous or wealthy my 6 yr old becomes, I still want all the same things for her. We are still “real” people. I still want to protect her. I still want to brag about her. I want her to thrive and learn to be a good, healthy person. I still want her to eat SOME of the broccoli, not just the pasta. I want her to be happy, but not a spoiled brat. If she weren’t on a hit tv show, this list would still pretty much be the same. I’m dealing with the same mom/kid issues, just sometimes in different venues – No, you many not have anymore donuts from craft services. Yes, you have to behave at The Emmys. No, you may not wear high heels to your friend’s house even if Sofia Vergara bought them for you. Seriously.
I guess what I’m trying to say is we are “real” people living in extraordinary scenarios and I hope we can always remain this way. Real. The youth “affluenza” epidemic in our current American society is shameful enough, so needless to say, it is out of control in much of the entertainment industry. I have been saddled with the task of combatting this creepy virus and I’ll be damned if I let the Hollywood machine take my kid down like so many before her.
I also want people to know there’s a lot more to our lives – MY life – than being “Lily’s mom”. You know I’ve actually had many people want to take my picture just because I’m “Lily’s mom”? Geez, people. Come on. In short, my dining room table is a mess, my dog still likes to shit on my bathmat after $2500 worth of training and I’m totally over dating. Dating as an Asian American, 40-something single mom of a child star should be its own reality show (with someone else as the star please).
So here’s to a new chapter in the FunnyYellowMom blog. I’m still Funny. Still a mom. Still yellow, too! I hope I can share a slice of our lives that is honest and interesting and hopefully fun.
The next topic on the chopping block: HOME SCHOOLING or Does This Mean I Have To Wear A Fanny Pack?
Tonto? More Like No-No.
OK, so that was a pretty lame post title, but I haven’t had coffee yet.
Not to be a big Debbie Downer on the 4th, but someone recently asked me if I think it’s offensive that Johnny Depp is playing a native Indian in the new Lone Ranger movie.
(And btw, I’m going to use the word “Indian” referring to Native Americans, Indigenous People, First People… because the Indians I know tell me they use the term Indian. Really. Straight from the Indians’ mouths.)
My two cents? Acting is acting and I think the best person should get the job but it only makes sense that that should probably be within that part’s specific race if it’s designated as such. I.e. Denzel Washington is never going to slather himself in white makeup and play George Washington. Can you imagine? People would riot!! WTF white people?!
I think if an actor of Japanese descent plays a Korean character, so what? An Italian guy plays a Jewish character, Mexican American plays a Colombian American (heeeyyy Manny Delgado!), ok but a blue eyed caucasian playing an Asian character is just stupid and racist and Johnny Depp playing Tonto is gross. Asians and Indians seem to get screwed the worst in this arena as enough people finally realized it was racist to do it to a black role and Latino roles are coming along, but they still get screwed too. Anyway, here’s something to chew on:
I’m a tech moron so I don’t know how to put this link on here in a fancier way, but it is a small sampling. There are many, many more examples out there.
On a cheerier note… HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY! As an immigrant to this country, my adoptive country and the only home I’ve known (I came here as a 5 month old) I am so proud to be an American. (please don’t sing that song) I am so grateful to live in a country where anything is possible, where I can stand on stage with a microphone and say anything I want – about religion, politics, sex, drugs, children, animals – ANYTHING. And then get paid for it! I’m grateful to live in a country where I am valued and was educated and where I know my daughter can achieve whatever she wants. I’m grateful to live in a country that supports me as a single mother. I’m truly living the American dream and there is no place else I would want to call home. This is my country.
Have a safe and happy 4th!