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May, 2013

I'll Take It

I haven’t posted anything on my blog in quite a while. Busy busy busy, currently without any regular child care help and my mind has been all over the place. It has been a productive and happy time, but nuts. Today, being Mother’s Day, I thought it would be a good night to gather some thoughts before I commence my cookie eating/tv watching binge. (Mad Men awaits!)

So I’ll share this… Something that I REALLY wanted to happen this weekend, didn’t happen. On Friday afternoon, I was informed that “The Newsroom” (HBO) might be bringing back my character from an episode I shot a co-star role for back in March. I was told it would work on Monday and maybe again the beginning of June and I’d hear over the weekend. Well, on Saturday, I found out they decided to cut the role from the script.

BUMMER!! I wasn’t pissed off, but I had a mini-mope fest, and then moved on. Too much other stuff to think about anyway. Who has time to waste feeling sorry for oneself? That’s one of the perks of being a single-mother/working actor: even when things are slow, it’s insanely busy, so one must move the fuck on, like a big girl.

Being a mom has also taught me a lot about appreciating what I have at the moment. Moms know that moments in life can be alarmingly brief, phases come and go and there’s something completely different looking you in the face in what feels like the blink of an eye. Sometimes not getting what you want can be the best thing that ever happens to you. And yeah, sometimes it just sucks balls, but life is such a great adventure when we learn to love what is happening at the moment. What other choice is there? It will be gone in an instant, so embrace it.

Here is my bright side of getting axed from The Newsroom:

– I was informed there’s always the possibility the character could come back in a future episode (there’s one more left to shoot in their season, so…)

– More importantly, Aaron Sorkin thought enough of me to write more scenes for me – and then chop them – but how cool is that?! I’ll take it. Honestly, it’s one of the most exciting indirect compliments I’ve ever received as an actor. Would it be totally gauche to put that on my resume?

“Aaron Sorkin digs me so much, he writes deletable lines for me”

I had a unique and memorable Mother’s Day weekend. I hope those of you who celebrated felt loved and appreciated.

To all the strong, beautiful, fun, hard-working, thoughtful, vibrant, intelligent, caring, compassionate, supportive, exhausted, talented, generous, selfless, stubborn, creative, loving, nurturing, driven, wise, wise-ass moms out there… HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! You make a difference in this world every day. You matter and you’re awesome. All the crappy moms can take a flying leap. You know who you are.

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Mar, 2010

Rich Dad, Poor Mom

Just because I don’t sit in a cubicle or work a 9 to 5 doesn’t mean I don’t work. Telling jokes on stage is only one part of my “job” and being a mom is another part, only the mom portion of my work hasn’t made me a dime yet. What the heck?!

Trip to the farmers’ market: FREE
Pony Ride: $4.00
This goofy little face: Priceless
Response to little girl’s pony addiction: “Ponies are for people on the Forbes list.”
The new 2010 Forbes “Richest People In The World List” just came out on March 10 and I was shocked and embarrassed to discover, once again, I’m NOT on it. Whaaat?!

Seriously, if they had a “Most Money Spent On Pony Rides” or Highest Number Of Times Purchased the Wrong Size Socks For Their Child” list, I’m pretty darn sure I’d be on it.

The list made bigger news than usual because a new guy, a Mexican guy nonetheless, has dethroned Bill Gates which has only happened, I believe, 3 times in the last 15 years. Don’t sweat it, Bill. 2010 ain’t over yet.

While discussing this rich people list, my boyfriend began to read a list of the Forbes richest women in the world, pointing out that most of these gals inherited their money. Also, there aren’t any women in the top ten of Richest People In the World list. In fact the richest woman in the world is Christy Walton and she comes in at a paltry 12. The only other woman in the top 25 is Christy’s sister-in-law, Alice Walton, at number 16 and she’s a real winner – killed a 50 year old mother of two while drunk driving in 1989 and was never charged or cited any fines. She was then cited for drunk driving in 1996 and it cost her $925. I should mention she’s an avid horse woman. She should stick to driving horses.

After bickering with my boyfriend about this incongruent comparison of lists – richest men vs richest women – I got to thinking of how there will probably never be women at the top of this list and the women’s list will mostly be filled with heiresses.

They are a myriad reasons why this is the case but the one that stuck out to me is that in order for a woman to achieve that much financial success on her own, she pretty much sacrifices her femininity. She has to become one of the boys and this means, among many things, not having children. Most of the richest women do not have children and many are not married. Although about half of the richest men also inherited their fortunes but Forbes (nor my boyfriend) managed to make a point of it like they did about the women.

So this brings us to the good old, “Can Women Really Have It All” debate. It’s an old one and there are no cut and dry answers, but it seems to be much harder for a woman to make a giant pile of money than it is for a man. Can we just agree on that? The question for me now is, “Should I care?”

I’m a comedian which is a very male dominated field. Both men and women asked me all the time if I was going to quit performing when they found out I was pregnant. When I answered no, they asked if I would take the baby on the road with me! Please! No man comedian who is a father has ever been asked these two questions. It’s just assumed a man will go about progressing in his career field after a child is born whereas a woman will probably quit working or if she’s the breadwinner of her household, like myself, she’ll magically take her child to work with her into smokey comedy clubs and remote college campuses and somehow do shows and watch her child, simultaneously. Sure. I’m just THAT amazing.

But as I bust my single-mom hump and spend every penny I make on child care, rent and insurance (and pony rides), just like most Americans, I can’t help but feel guilty about not being with my daughter more often. I can’t help but wonder if I’m screwing up her life by traveling for a living. How is it that men can work and work and work AND have kids and not sit at their desk or on a plane, wondering if their kid slept through the night or did they poo-poo in the potty this morning? How is it that men manage to have both, both but only have to “do” one? Those silly, smart men with their robot-like emotions.

As I ramble on, I’m not claiming to have the answers to any of these open ended, rhetorical questions and I’m not implying that fathers don’t love their children. And I admit, I’m a little jealous of the heiresses and the men who get everything, but at the end of the day I’m not drinking my life away because boo-hoo, I’m so rich and I can’t take it, I’m glad my daughter actually recognizes me when I come home from work. I have accepted my role as working mom and I’m proud to be able to put food on the table for my daughter and me, but it can be hard. Super duper hard. At this point, I won’t be leaving a fat trust fund for my daughter but at least I can say I gained my child’s love the old fashioned way. I earned it.

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Sep, 2009

Home for 32 Hours and Nap Drama Ensues!

The last couple weeks have been so interesting and exciting and exhausting and… well, enough ands. I can’t say too much at this point, but I just shot a pilot for a new talk show. In the best of all possible worlds, the show will get picked up and I’ll have a regular national tv gig. Don’t jinx me though. I’m just going to sit back, relax and enjoy the waiting process. HA!

I interviewed for the pilot job less than two weeks ago. Booked it the day after the interview. Shot some segments here in L.A. two days after that. Flew to NYC on Friday, shot the in-studio pilot show on Sat (I was in NYC approximately 22 hours), flew home Sat night and now I’m home spending the day with my daughter before I have to leave again for a gig in Ohio. I’ll have to leave for LAX at 4:30am tomorrow morning. AHHHHH!!!
After the Ohio overnight, I’ll have the rest of this coming week at home with my little family and after that a little vacation before going back to work. I have a gig on Oct 3 in San Antonio with the Hot Tamales Live and Eva Longoria! It should be a good one.
Anyhoo, Aubrey was really excited to see me today, as was I, her. We did some painting, watched a Baby Einstein video with a snack and got snuggled in for nap time. She hasn’t fought a nap time for me in weeks. Maybe even a couple months now, but today was the day. I think she was just so excited to be back at my house with our dog, Bob Barker and me, that she decided to go a little kee-ray-zee.
This is a normal part of being a two year old. Tantrums come and go and she really doesn’t have all that many. I have to admit, I have a hard time not laughing at the things she says when she goes nuts. She fancies herself a real master manipulator and will say clever little things in an attempt to get me to cave in and forgo the nap. Today, when she was crying her little face off, trying to get me to come in her room and rescue her from the big bad nap time, here are some of the doozies she yelled out:
– I hungry! (she hasn’t quite gotten down “I am” or “I’m” yet)
– I need to paint!
– I see Daddy!
– I see Lee! (my boyfriend)
– I see Bob Barker! (our dog)
– I need go swimming!
– I take a bath!
– It’s ok it’s ok it’s ok!
– I see out the window!
– Read another book!
– I need Curious George!
– I want Time Out Chair! (that’s REALLY desperate)
I love that she thinks I’ll really fall for one of these. As if suddenly, I’ll think, “Oh my God! Aubrey DOES need a bath! I had better get her out of bed!” HILARIOUS!
My favorite of all time was the other night before she went to bed she exclaimed, “I need nuts!” She’s really into cashews right now.
I hope you’re all having a fun weekend!

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