06
Apr, 2012

I’m on day four on the road so I’m really missing my little Aubrey. I try not to be gone longer than five consecutive days at a time (that seems to be a real breaking point for both of us) but this week will be six by the time I get home on Saturday.

When I miss her a lot I torture myself by looking at our videos and her pictures, watching Modern Family episodes on ABC.com, etc. I’m a glutton for punishment.

Anyway, I thought I’d share our latest home video. We made it last week. Aubrey has been very interested in the concept of marriage lately. I think this is common for 4 yr olds. Anyway, she understands when two individuals love each other, they may choose to get married (unless they are being discriminated against… but that’s another blog). Having very little concept of adult, romantic love at this point, she believes marriage is simply about love. It’s very sweet and innocent.

The sweetest thing is that she has been telling me for a couple weeks now is that she wants to marry me. “I’m going to marry YOU, mommy!” Awwwww. I’ve explained to her that family members can’t marry each other, but she’s not buying it.

More recently, she has also expressed an interest in marrying our chihuahua, Bob Barker. I haven’t gotten into the inter-species aspect of why that’s never going to happen, but it sure is nice to know Bob and I are loved so much.

Here is Aubrey and Bob Barker’s quickie wedding ceremony. The happiest girls I know 🙂

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Tags: Amy Anderson • Aubrey Anderson-Emmons • chihuahuas • comedy • kids • love • marriage • preschoolers

04
Apr, 2012

I don’t receive a of of hate email. In fact it’s been a couple years, so the crabby-abby email I got today is extra special.

Really, Judy? You don’t have anything better to do with your time? I mean, you’re more than welcome to your opinion, but what can I do for you?

Oh and you did NOT see me perform last evening because the shows at Downtown Comedy Club were on Fri & Sat, March 30 and 31 – that would be 2-3 days ago. So why the giant delay? And why the apology? What’s with the “sorry” at the end of your email? If you’re going to dish it out, have some balls, ok?

Thanks, Jude. You sure make me want to suck less.

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Tags: Amy Anderson • comedian • downtown comedy club • hate mail • judy legrande • stand up comedian

17
Feb, 2012

The Wordsmith Herself, on Valentine's Day

The Aubinator (aka my 4 yr old daughter Aubrey) recently made history by dropping the f-bomb on primetime television (She was saying “fudge” for those who haven’t heard the full details yet… people still ask me if she really said it!). In real life – our life – sometime between 18 months and 2 years of age, I did overhear Aubrey say “Hot damn,” “Oh shit” and “Oh what the fuck” and it was about then I realized she was a sponge. Or really a parrot made out of sponge and that the days of saying whatever I wanted to in front of “the baby” were sadly, over. Aubrey hasn’t uttered a curse word since then and more paramount to that is what she HAS been saying lately.

Aubrey is 4 (5 this summer) and she has entered into that magical time of child speech and language when everything she says is either adorable or hilarious. Literally, almost no in between. I’ve never loved being her mom more than now. I thought I’d share a treasury of Aubrey-isms because I love them so much and because my brain is too fried to write on any topics of substance these days. Enjoy…

(Entering the bathroom while I’m sitting on the toilet. She has yellow string with an apple shaped key chain attached to it, wrapped around her fingers.) “OK! I’m trying to make a yoyoyo, but I’m NOT making any promises.”

“Milk helps you to be strong and to make you not to be lousy. Like a slug.”

“When I grow up I’m going to work at Panda Express!”

“I want to be the Tooth Fairy when I grow up.”

“I’m going to be a boy so then when I grow up I can be a daddy.”

(Referring to our dog.) “Bob Barker should have a puppy so then she can have a brother!!”

“Mommy, how old are you?”
“39”
(audible gasp) “That’s OLD! That’s jumbo!”

(Tucking her in at bed time, she grabs and holds me tightly.) “Stay and sleep with me so I can smell you all night!”

“I want you to keep me forever.”

(I was explaining to Aubrey that Buddha lived a long time ago and is dead now.) “So is Buddha in heaven with Michael Jackson?”

“I know the names of The Simpsons characters: Bart, Lisa, the baby is Maggie, Homer… and Large.”

She called an antelope a “lemonlope”

“I had a cheeseburglar at Old McDonald’s, but I didn’t like it.”

After peeing in the toilet, she looked me dead in the eye and asked, “Um… did you wipe my vagina?”

“I’m half Korean, but you’re just REGULAR Korean.”

(Watching me eat some long spaghetti noodles.) “You can’t just eat with your lips all night!”

“I like you mommy.”

To be continued…

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Tags: 4 year olds • Amy Anderson • Aubrey Anderson-Emmons • Modern Family • preschoolers